WoW 109: On using questions to change your reality. Questions, Part 3
This episode revolves around the theme of how posing the right questions to ourselves can shape our reality. Josh discusses how our interpretation of events influences our emotions and reactions. By asking constructive questions, one can stay grounded, connected to their values, patient, and understanding. Relevant quotes from Edward De Bono and Margaret Wheatley are also shared to highlight the transformative power of good questions.
Read the full transcript here.
About Josh Kalsbeek, LMFT
• As a Psychoherapist I help people overcome their greatest struggles.
•Founder and CEO of Great Oaks Collective, and it's flagship program Overcome, a 10-Week virtual Intensive Outpatient Program for Christian couples experiencing sexual betrayal and addiction. www.greatoakscollective.com.
• Sign up to receive my weekly email newsletter, Words of Wisdom.
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Links
How you perceive something determines your reality.
You can influence how you think.
Edward De Bono Thinking Course
Margaret Wheatley, Forward of The World Café
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Transcript
Words of Wisdom 1 0 9 on using questions to
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:change your reality questions.
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:Part three.
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:How you perceive something
determines your reality.
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:There is what happens to you,
and there is the meaning you
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:make of what happens to you.
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:Of course, ultimately you don't
have control over everything that
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:happens, but you can influence
how you think about what happens.
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:Let's use a very simple
example to illustrate.
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:Let's say your partner
is late in coming home.
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:What meaning do you make of this?
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:Here are three unhelpful possibilities.
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:He's always late or she can
never be on time, or why
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:doesn't he ever prioritize me?
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:If you respond this way and don't
notice and challenge these thoughts,
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:you'll be influenced by them.
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:They will lead you to feeling frustrated,
angry, discouraged, and feeling
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:justified in your feelings and pain.
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:They will likely lead to
more conflict and misery.
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:You might choose to do something selfish
as a result, you may feed resentment
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:and give her the silent treatment.
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:Become sarcastic with him, or just
shut down and avoid talking about it.
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:Instead, when your spouse is late
in coming home, you could ask
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:yourself, how can I encourage him?
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:What can I do to serve
her before she gets home?
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:How would I want to be treated
when I walk in the door?
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:What's the opportunity here?
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:How do I want to handle this?
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:What can I be grateful for?
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:Is there anything I
need to say or request?
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:If you're asking yourself these
kinds of questions, they will shape
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:your reality totally differently.
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:You can remain grounded and present.
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:You won't fall into a victim mindset
or into all or nothing thinking
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:or into becoming too critical.
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:You'll stay connected to your values.
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:You'll be more likely to remain patient.
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:You'll be empowered to take
meaningful action and you'll be
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:less likely to create conflict.
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:You can assume the best about your
partner, be curious about their
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:experience, and still be assertive and
kind about expressing any needs you have.
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:So whenever you face a challenge,
pause, take a breath, and ask
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:yourself some thoughtful questions.
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:The more you practice asking insightful
questions, the more you can be
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:empowered to live a purposeful life.
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:So seek mastery in using
questions to shape your reality.
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:Quotes.
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:Asking a question is the simplest
way of focusing thinking.
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:Asking the right question may be
the most important part of thinking.
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:By Edward De Bono, in his book thinking
Course, good questions, ones that we
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:care about and want to answer, call
us outward and toward each other.
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:They're an invitation to explore,
to venture out, to risk, to
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:listen, to abandon our positions.
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:Good questions.
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:Help us become both curious and uncertain.
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:And this is always the road that opens
us to the surprise of New insight by
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:Margaret Wheatley in the forward of
the book, the World Cafe Questions.
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:How can I make the most of this?
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:What is the opportunity here?
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:What meaning am I making
of this situation?
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:Is there a more helpful meaning I could
make Endnote Growing in the skill of
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:asking questions is one of the most
important skills you can develop.
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:Improve your questions, and you'll
improve your life, heal relationships,
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:and grow in wisdom, live wisely.
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:Josh.
